HNT - Gettin' Cheeky

HNT - Window Pain (rare)

HNT - *SIGH*

HNT - Lucious

Mute Monday - Hell

HNT - CA taxed

I'm feeling trapped...

and dejected.

HNT - Getting behind

Jeez - it's been awhile since I wrote. I suck. And I need to go visit all my commentors too. How rude of me :(

HNT - Lazy

Blabberings

Gosh - I think I am only at 80 or so of my 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days. It's hard! But I gotta finish it up so that I can post it.

Mike is out of town until Saturday pm. On his way home, he has to pick up Idaho friend from the Ontario airport at 8:45pm. So I will be a single girl on VDay. Which is fine - we usually don't go anywhere because it is sooooo crowded & service sucks & shit like that. But it would have been nice to at least spend the day/evening with him.

He's out of town making some money so it's all good with me ;) Except sticking me with being alone with mom for 5 fucking days. But let's not go there quite yet - I'm in denial.

I always have these fabulous things to say but when I get on here, my mind blanks out. It apparently does not want me to divulge my secrets to you all! Teehee. Let's see...

I'll be in Vegas March 3-5th at the PMA Convention with the bossies. It was a hard decision to make considering it is for work with the bosses, but really - free airfare, free hotel, free food AND I get paid my normal daily wages? How could I not? When my bosses want me to be interested in something, damn your smiling vajayjay, I will be. I've been to lots of photog conventions with them & I'm glad they think I am still important enough to go, you know?

So there's that. Ummm...what else. Shit, man, I really need to get back into blogging. I've lost my touch.

Fine, stupid brain. You win this time.

Mute Monday - Addiction

Suffice to say I definitely have a 'type', huh? LOL

HNT - Etched Mirror

Mute Monday - Creatures!

(I love creature art.)

HNT - Dixie chick

TMI Tuesday

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? I can't even remember it was so long ago!
2. What is your favorite movie theater snack? Junior Mints and a soda. And popcorn.
3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater? My mom did when we were little. I even saw a lady handing out sandwiches to her family once, lol.
4. Have you ever made out in a theater? Of course!
5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater? When I was a teenager & didn't care about consequences, we did it behind the curtains towards the exit area at the bottom. Not sure if theatres are still set up that way. I think I did it more to say that I did rather than get excited about it. Or it could have been the lame-o dude. ;P
Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene? I don't have one, Ithink. Or too many that one doesn't stick out in my mind. Sorry. I'm crampy and sex is the farthest thing from my mind, lol.

Saturday 9 Meme:

Saturday 9: What's Cooking?
1. Which meal is the one you cook best? I get the most comments on my chili, my southwestern turkey burgers and my chili rellano casserole
2. Tell us what you would never eat. Seafood - *gags* or bugs. I'd die in the wilderness, I think.
3. Is your hometown famous for anything or anybody? Probably - but I'm too lazy to look it up
4. Can you play a musical instrument? Sure, the skinflute
5. Tell us about your second ever lover. He was a hot surfer boy. And fucked up in the head as all get out. Pyscho shit, man.
6. What is your favorite restaurant? I love eating out. I *covet* the Red Robin's french onion soup. But as far as a resaurant alone, I can't pick just one!
7. If it were your call, how often would you make love? Depends on what mood I'm in!
8. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Carmen Electra or Pink
9. Tell us about your job. Yeah. No. It's what I try to forget about on the weekends, thankyouverymuch ;)

Doing better today. Still hard (see last post if you are confused) but have lots planned today so it is helping. I know I will tear up, but I'm going to try not to flat out cry today. Thanks for all your well wishes - IRL & on here.

RIP Pretty Girl

Jan 98 - Jan 09

Tejah

(below as told to Vixen)

So. That sucked. Mike was supposed to go with us, but he got stuck in a meeting so I went to the vet alone. She felt something up in her upper stomach area but couldn't be positive it wasn't just food. Yeah, well. I know my luck and just knew. I knew it was more than just her hips/back before Xmas. So when she said that...I just knew but was still hopeful bc she said arthritis can be just as painful in an old dog. I was there for 2 1/2 hours waiting for everything to happen. The thing of it tho was that with Mike going, it would be 'over' in one trip. Well, she came in with the Xrays and pointed out the tumor. Size of about 2 tennis balls. Really big pushing on her other organs and 'bleeding'. The vet said the cylce was that she'd chase the ball or something like that & it would bleed out & be really painful. Then as she rested (which was when she was feeling super bad) her body would...fuck. The word escapes me - soak the blood back into her system. Then she'd feel better. But it was so big that we needed to do something ASAP. Put her down or Sx and she said the Sx just wouldn't be worth it. That she's old and you have to factor in the whole 'suriving the surgery' to 'quality of life afterwards' & that she'd never be her old self.

I was fine until she waited for a decision and I went to explain, "My husband was supposed to be here" and I started crying. She was so nice tho. She's the first vet that like...understood. Know what I mean? She hugged me & said she was sorry. I said I'd take her home & then we'd come back tomorrow. She made it clear that Tejah wasn't to play ball or anything, that the threat of it bursting and her bleeding to death internally was high. So, of course, besides crying on the way to the vet, I really balled coming home. Mike was there and I walked in crying. When he found out she had a tumor, he sorta asked why I just didn't 'do it'. Hello - I told him I couldn't do that alone! So, she was feeling bad again - probably from all the getting in & out of the car etc etc and he just said we needed to do this. He was fine until he *really* accepted it. Then he was crying & crying & sobbing - which, of course, made me cry 10x worse!!! He laid next to her & just petted her & cried & talked to her. It was so sad :( :( He did that for a good hour and then I said that the worse was yet to come. He realized what I meant and he totally choked and said he couldn't do it. He couldn't watch her die. I said I was NOT letting her die alone with strangers. That she deserved to be not scared. He just cried more & more. He then called the vet's to see when the latest we could do it was, bc at this point, it meant her being in pain a whole other day and us having to go thru *this* all over again the next day (which would have been today). The vet said she would do it at 6pm (they close at 7pm) so we headed out & showed up. Both crying.

They were sooo nice tho. Had a blanket out for her and we called her over & she came. Layed down when we told her to. The vet & asst were so sweet to her and we held her head & petted/loved her while it went thru her. She started getting sleepy & we just told her good girl & ok (which we always said to her when was scared & to relax her). It was very fast & peaceful. They let us alone with her while we cried & hugged and petted her for the last times. Then I had to go. I couldn't see her dead anymore.

I would do it again, over & over. Mike was VERY thankful I made him go (he didn't put up a fight once I told him he would regret it). But the thing with me is that *that* is what I will remember. An orange blanket will always remind me of Tejah dying. Always. I want to visualize the fun times and *this* is what will be stuck in my memory for a very long time. *That* is the only reason I don't want to be with my animals when they get put down. But I always WILL. For them.

So yeah - after hours & hours crying yesterday afternoon, to at the vets, to all night last night & this morning/today - our eyes look like marshmellows & feel like they were rolled in sandpaper & stuck back in the sockets. I probably look like I was punched or something. It's just so weird...how much she was a part of our every day life. The midgets do not make dog noise, I now realize. The big dog click-clicks on the wood floors, the collar tags, the noise and presence of a big dog. It's too...quiet.

My head hurts, my nose hurts, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts and my heart hurts. I feel incomplete. I woke up this morning to her bark. Obviously a dream, but it startled me awake like it was real. And when I came home today, (I had stopped by Del Taco) and gave the midgets a french fry, I called out to her to come get one. And stared at my pile of fries when I had realized what I had done and, of course, busted out sobbing. Fuck me.

We're going to just stay with the little dogs for now. For a few years for Abbie to mature & not be such a pain in the ass. I'm in no hurry. Tejah isn't replaceable but I can't see us NOT getting another bigger breed ever. I mean, I can see us sooner than he can. She is that one in a lifetime dog for a family. That one that the old couple is sitting on the porch going "Remember when Tejah..." etc etc. She was just an AWESOME animal. I don't think we'll have another...but I hope we get close. Mike is really torn up. Remember that he didn't grow up with animals. This is his FIRST that he truly loved like you & I do the animals. So he is really hurt. I expected him to keep it in somewhat like he always does with sorrow or sad things, but I'm really glad he is being open. IDthink he can help it, lol.

What's that saying, "A heart that hurts is a heart that works." Yeah - mine's in over time right now.

HNT - Jeanerous Ass

Pissing People Off, I'm Sure...

I’m going to be very un-PC for a moment. But tell me if I speak any untruths. And I’m not picking on the new President. I’m not bitter because he was elected, I’m not mad he will be running our country. He is a cool dude. What he can accomplish is yet unseen but I still stand behind him 100%. I didn’t vote, btw, so don’t persecute me as a McCain fan.

My beef is with the people. Never have I noticed an inauguration as much as this one being pushed by the media. Never have I seen so many celebrities so into a President. Never have I heard so much bullshit.

Our first ‘black President’. It’s all you hear about. But I wonder. I truly do. And think about it for a moment.

Would the non-white people stand behind him as much as they are now. Would the non-white people be hooping and hollering as much as they are. Would the media be all up in the grill about ‘black, black, black”…if our President looked more white?

Because he is only HALF black. He’s HALF white too. Which, apparently, the whole Nation has forgotten. He’s getting all this extra attention because of his SKIN COLOR – which is what exactly I thought non-white people hated bringing to the front & used!

It boggles my mind. I understand if the focus was on how he is not Bush. How he can do his job. How he will change this country. But seriously, if he looked more white, all this shit wouldn’t be over exaggerated. Beyonce wouldn’t be singing for him. Stevie Wonder wouldn’t be bobbing his head for him with all the other traffic jam of stars there. I’m tired of hearing the black card. He’s not all black! If he was – that’d be cool and I’d totally understand and totally agree. BUT HE’S NOT. He’s mixed.

He’s our first mixed President. Get it right. Geez already.

In other news that won’t get me hate comments, my dog goes from bad to good. At first I thought it was her hips, then her spine/back. But the more it continues, I think it might be her belly. I can’t afford to get Xrays to see if it is cancer or something like that. Today, I gave her a bunch of 100% pumpkin (that shit that comes in a can & the vets give to un-plug critters) to see if it helps. Maybe it is something clogged. We’ll start there…because the end thing is a trip to the vet with no return ticket. As much as it kills me, it is worse to see her in so much pain. (I'm sure someone will hope she dies for my first subject matter. To you I say - "Fucker!")

My friend, Curious Mind of Me , made a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. It was neat, intriguing and interesting to see what she put on there. It inspired me to do the same thing. So, as soon as it’s finished, I will put it on the side. (You’d be surprised how long it takes to come up with 101 things to accomplish in roughly 2.5yrs!)

This Saturday is our first meeting for our book club. I chose The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night by Mark Haddon & The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, which is being made into a movie! I had no idea when I picked it. Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz star in it. Comes out this Dec. so I am excited to read it. I also can’t wait to eat some yummy appetizers!! (I love me my side foods!) I’m not sure what the boys will be doing while the three of us rack up some girly time, but I don’t care either. LOL

Mike’s work told him that everyone had to stick to 8hr days. This sucks. For all of them, including us. The industry relies on OT. They get paid good money, don’t get me wrong, but it allows whatever OT you need…or don’t need, but want. It’s easy extra money. So, shit. We’ve done several things to prepare for it & now we just have to wait to see if it is enough. If not, *shrugs shoulders* - we’ll have to cross that road if we get there. The economy is fucking up a LOT of our friends right now. We’re all in the same industry – construction of some sort. It’s very sad. Very sad.

His boss did tell him that he’d be the last employee to go though, lol. If it came to that, he would go down with the company. That’s encouraging. I can’t imagine a Goliath as big as his work to go down…but all it takes is…wtf was it, lmfao? A rock?! HAHA – I can’t remember.

My work, on the other hand, is surviving. My boss is rich with little overhead. His whole family works there so if it goes, so does his childrens’ jobs. He is sending me to Vegas the first week of Feb to the PMA convention. That is a huge relief to me – I’m worth spending a fully paid trip on!!!

I wish I could do TMI - but they don't post it the night before. Ogr at least before *I* go to bed and I don't have time to come up with good answers early in the morning before I leave for work. But I read everyone else's

I just found out one of our friends from Idaho is coming out Mar 25 - Apr 2. *woot**woot*!! I'm going to bathe, swim & have sex in Vodka. Anyone want to join us??!!

Mute Monday 'A'

What are you anti?

Sweet Touch

Soak my panties in turpentine so the ants don't eat my candy ass

More of this series to cum.

My brain has a St. Bernard on it

I'm about to pop some Advil and then do...nothing. I guess, lol. I was planning on working longer, but our server host's hard-drive decided to commit suicide. And now it's dead. Boss man is not a happy camper. They've been having intermittent problems with it and should have thought that it was a hard-drive going out. But they didn't do any research and now it is D.E.A.D.

Customers can't see our website, can't place orders which means we can't download orders and process them. Which, at this point, means no work for us. I prepped what I could for the Spring 09 season but am at a stand still until other employees do their jobs. I sat around for 4hrs and then couldn't stand it anymore. Off I tanned and then came home.

Mike and I are downsizing...our life, where we can, because of the economy. Now that I won't be working OT...and right now probably not even FT (towards the end of January I should be there) and 2009 is supposed to be worse than 2008, we're cutting whatever corners we can.

No golfing or fishing, no more Netflix, I froze my tanning account (only $5 a month instead of $19.99. If I canceled I would have had to have paid the $80 initiation fee again), we got a different cable plan. Little things like that that add up without you realizing it.

And back to the gym we go too. My busy season fucks everything up and then Mike ends up getting lazy because I'm not being a gym partner, lol. Then we start eating fast-food because it's just easier with my hours. No more!! I'm feeling better just knowing my schedule is going to get back to normal.

Fuck, my head hurts. Wonder what's up with that. It's like a hangover headache. Bleah.

A few girlfriends and I are going to start our own bookclub. I've picked my books - The Lovely Bones by alice sebold, The Gargoyle by andrew davidson and then I can't decide between The Host by stephanie meyer (the Twilight series author) or The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night by mark hadden. Ho-hum. I wonder what 3 books they each picked for us to read. I adore reading. I grew up reading book after book after book while my brother and friends watched TV or played sports. When I read, it's like a movie going on in my head. The Twilight Series seriously rocked, btw. But i LOATHE the actor they used to play Edward. My dog's ass looks better than that guy. Ewwwww...teehee.

I'm off to pound my head into the counter a few times. Toodles!
(I'll start Mute Monday back up after the alphabet. Kinda pointless to only do the last 4 letters, lol)

Take my uterus, please

Well, Christmas is officially over. My house is back to normal. I almost didn't put anything up this year but trudged through it. I'm even more convinced I won't do it next year. It's just such a pain in the ass to take your normal house stuff down, unbox the Xmas stuff and put up, put your normal stuff in the boxes.

Even more of a pain in the ass to take it all down & put your normal stuff back up. It's like moving, I swear. So, I think I might just put up the tree next year.

I'm almost done with my chores. I woke up with my cramps still so I wasn't sure how far I'd get but I downed some pills and pushed my lazy ass to get shit done. Only have the laundry to finish, really.

New Year's Eve was so much fun. We went over to a friend's house and stayed there. I have pix, but lost my downloading adapter so I have to wait until my memory card reader comes in. Grrrrr... But we had a blast and we went somewhere else for a change! That was super nice! Both Mike and I paid for it yesterday though. That wasn't so nice. Getting old sucks.

I guess I should go shower and get all non-trashy. It is 1pm. LOL And time to take more pills too.