Mute Monday - Summmmertimmmme...

Functional Disfunction

Oy - I was hungover today. Too much fun from last night. Vodka makes me very...well, drunk & drunk acting, lol. I tend to forget things when I drink vodka and then remember as people tell me. Doh. Anyway - many vodka & cranberries later...

The Man had came home before me and accidently locked the bedroom door so that when I came home & tried to go in, I couldn't. I banged on the door, I went outside and banged on the slider door but he was zonked out. I got mad because I was loud enough that how could be not hear me?!

So, I told my mom I was going to go outside and sleep on the patio right outside the slider so that when he woke up, he could see me & feel sorry. LOL!!! She was like, you are not sleeping outside and I kept telling her I was. I even wrote this nasty little note and slid it under the door!!!!!!!!! He finally opened it & I was happy. I kill me sometimes, lol. (I only had a towel around me too so I would have been sleeping out there naked.)

I tried getting my game on today when I finally was feeling better, but I just couldn't get into it. They have a kareoke machine tonight too and The Man is singing Carrie Underwood songs, lol. I left tho - I wasn't about to be hung over 2x in a row. Bleah. HE is going to hurting tomorrow - he is drinking the hard stuff and was pretty snockered when I left a few hours ago. Shit - he better not puke in bed. He did that once many years ago & it was so nasty!! (And I couldn't get him up so he ended up sleeping right next to his barf all night. *SNORT*) But now I always worry about it, lol. I wish he would have stayed with beer. I'll end up calling him in a few...if he even hears his phone.

Speaking of phones, I got my hands-free device today so I'm all legal with July 1st rolls around. I loathe the earpieces, I really do. And no one calls me enough to warrant putting one in my ear for 2hrs a day just in case someone calls me so I got this:
The Parrot
*Love it* Very cool.

Guess I should shower - I'm kinda stinky from pool water and sun all day.

Metallic Saliva

I wrote this Thursday, but saved it for today's post since I knew I wouldn't be able to find the time today...

Even tho I left work early, I've been quite productive before I got home. I stopped & tanned (& bought a cute shirt for Idaho) before leaving town & then once in civiliation again, stopped at Target and got a few things I needed. Well, ok - plus some really good priced boulder holders and some matching thongs since the Midgets keep stealing mine out of the hamper and eating them in half!!! Grrrrr....I can't tell you how many underwear they have gone thru since Abbie has been here. It's quite annoying because I pick my panties with care! Boo-hoo.

Let's see, left there & got gas and then just coming up to my street, there was a car pulled over and some old people trying to round up a baby lamb that had squeezed thru the fence and was alongside the street :( I got home & grabbed a bowl of dog food and a halter & lead and walked down there to try to help but the owner had finally came out and got it. The poor mama lamb was quite upset, you could hear her bleating from my house. But I was glad everything was ok. That's just NOT something I'd want to see splatted on the road, you know?

Oh crap, I just remembered that Target didn't have some hair stuff I needed so I need to visit drugstore.com and get that shit shipped so I get it before our Idaho trip. Gah!

Does anyone know of anyone who is doing that AdSense - where you get $$$ for letting ads be on your blog? I was just curious if they made anything worthwhile. Obviously, my blog is considered 'porn' (*rolls eyes*) or I'd try it.

HAHA - I forgot to post this. Oh well...better late than never, right?

HNT - Scottish Throes

This was my first HNT. Some of you probably know who I was before by now and have seen a lot of my HNTs before, but I'm posting them until I have time to take a bunch of new ones. For my new readers - enjoy! For my faithful followers - take a trip down memory lane ;)

HHD - Here piggy, piggy!

Happy Hump Day everyone! I love images like these, but sadly, no one is going to tie my ass up like that, lol. I don't mind the whole play thing where I can get free if I really wanted to, but Hell no to actually being tied up. *snort*

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why? Yes, I think there are some lucky mother fuckers out there.
2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference? I most certainly work to live. If I was wealthy, I would be doing something I enjoy. Something with animals that probably wouldn't pay a cent.
3. How many hours do you work a week? Right now - not very much. But from Aug - Christmas, I probably won't be on here much. I work 12hr days M-F and then 4-8hrs on Saturdays. It's tedious, stressful and burns me the fuck out.
4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little? I still have her. When I was born, someone gave me a stuffed pink wind-up lamb. I used to play the tune every night to go to sleep. This lasted thru elementary school. I still pulled her out thru high school, lol. She sits in my drawer now so that the midgets can't chew her up. She's torn and tattered, but I love my Lambie ;)
5. Have you ever used food during sex? Yes, but rarely now since Mom has lived with us. I'd rather not spend my precious time alone cleaning up a mess.

Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure? I try not to put guilt into my food. (Methinks you, Vixen, can afford to put whipped cream in your coffee EVERY time, lol). I try not to think about in that way, but now that I'm older, I need to be healthier so I basically eat what I want, but in moderation. I'm not an extremist *ahem* (wink-wink) because *I* could get way out of control - the unhealthy kind so I don't go there. Sure - it's always on my mind, but I refuse to act on it. I'm a carb/salt person so I love chips and mashed potatoes and gravy and crackers. Just normal things ;)

Double Bonus from our inquisitors (still optional): "We are looking for suggestions. . . If someone asked for your suggestions for a butt worshiping evening (an evening devoted to butt attention), what would you suggest?" Well, my worshipping butt evening would start and end with a great butt massage. Exit only for my booty ;D



In other news, the Army of Cramps have made camp in my uterus and are now eliciting an all out war. I stayed home today. Which will bite donkey balls on my paycheck. I texted Barb, my co-worker, and asked if anything was going on. She said NOTHING. So, I would just be wasting gas money even trying to show up (cuz I'd end up coming home early).



The Man and I consolidated a few bills yesterday. Instead of paying $515 a month, we're now paying $289. And have some extra cash for our trip to Idaho and the bills coming in (since my paychecks lag until August). I have WAAAAY more other bills, don't get me wrong, but I took the biggest monthly-payment ones so that we'd have some extra cash to put towards the other ones. The Man and I live the American Dream - thru credit. *SNORT* I've been tired of it for awhile and am slowly making The Man see the disaster in that theory. Boy believes in living for the moment. It's very stressful for a Planning Girl.



Uh-oh, I hear the midgets getting into something...


Meet Midget #1, Cerveza:

and Midget #2, Abbie.

Rambling Lipstick

*Sings The Cramps Come Marching In* Assholes. Right now, I'm ok - I could totally function with just a wince here & there. It's ok tho because, starting today, I have Mondays off until August. So I am really hoping today will be the end of it. We'll see...nothing 'started' yet.

I didn't tell my mom that I wasn't going to work because I worry she will take a Monday off to do hang out with me and all I want is some 'no-mom time'. She woke me up & I said I had cramps. Damn - that lady makes so much noise in the morning, just like when we were kids. My brother & I were always yelling out our rooms for her to be quiet in the mornings. See, she would get up with my dad & then when he left for work, she'd start doing house work. Even on the weekends, she was up clanking dishes and vacuuming before 6:30am. Yeah - an even more infuriating teenager that does make. So, to this day, as an adult, I abhor the sound of the vacuum. I really hate doing it too, but if I'm not, I am filled with all sorts of anger when someone is doing it in my house. *snort* I have issues, I know. LOL She enjoys it so when she's vacuuming my house, she takes forever. (I don't have a lot of carpet in my house so it literally could take you less than 8 minutes to vacuum).

Oh and dishes clanking!!!! Let's not get started on that. I fly back in time when The Man and I are in bed and I can hear her over the closed door, the A/C on, the standing fan going and the ceiling fan on...yeah - makes me want to put a cap in her ass in 2 seconds flat. Grrrrr...

It's tough when you are grown and have your own family and your mom lives with you. All those things you felt when you were a teenager?? Yeah - still there. Trust me.

Anywhore - the past weekend has been so hot. The hottest it got here was 111. And on that day we had places to go with our neighbor so I had to sit in the back seat of my car. Which is charcoal grey, with black interior, 2 sunroofs, and a hatch back window. Ummmm - can you say the poor A/C could NOT cool that thing down fast enough? I was gasping for air. Ugh. Yesterday was better at 100. I need to see what this week is supposed to bring.

Crap - it is Neighbor's birthday on Wednesday too. I think we're taking him out to dinner or something.

The Man forgot I had Mondays off and he called me at 6:45 (his usually time to say good morning when I'm on my way to work) and was freaking out that I was still in bed. He forgets things that come out of my mouth. He can remember words from everyone else tho. Hmmmm...funny how that works, huh? ;)

I can't believe George Carlin died yesterday!!! I liked him. And RIP to the dragster Scott Kalitta who lost his life this weekend too. His poor wife & two sons - how sad.

Shit, I can't believe in 2 weeks I'll be in Idaho. I've never been. Then before I know it, I'll be in CO. Shit, time flies when you're not sitting on your ass.

Mute Monday - Aroma/Scents

and I can smell:

I opener

"I"
Raw “I”s
I am: open-minded, but have my set opinions.
I think: way too much.
I know: I could be a better person. *SIGH*
I want: the gas prices to go down & my bills to do that too.
I have: puffy under-eyes right now - huh.
I wish: I wasn't the stressful type.
I hate: stupidity. I really do.
I miss: some of my past animals & going to the desert.
I fear: being kidnapped and raped.
I feel: gelatinous. I hate getting old.
I hear: the gardner mowing.
I smell: nothing.
I crave: happiness.
I search: for self-improvement.
I wonder: if I well ever achieve it.
I regret: some past animal things.
I love: in a complicated way. It comes with a lot of strings attached.
I ache: to be understood, but I do not understand myself so...
I am not: as cool as people think, lol.
I believe: in respect.
I dance: not as much as I'd like/used to.
I sing: hardly ever.
I cry: when I'm frustrated.
I don’t always: put other people first. Doh.
I fight: for my right to parrrrrrtaaayyy!
I write: all the time. I love to write.
I win: hardly ever. It's Karma, I know it.
I lose: all the time!
I never: am rude to the waiter.
I always: tip well.
I confuse: The Man ;)
I listen: so that I don't look stupid.
I can usually be found: in Intense Land.
I am scared: of flying.
I need: alone time often.
I am happy: sometimes. I always strive for more.
I imagine: that it is a futile battle. I just need to 'be' and then it'll come.

It's 110 here, people, 110!! I am *meeellllttttiinnnnggggg*

HNT-Rear View

It's HOT here. 105 yesterday & 106 today. *whew!*

TMI Tuesday

1. What's your favorite color of lingerie? Black & pink or polka dot or something different like cool piping or something
2. Do you have a porn collection? Duh - yeah.
3. Do you have any fetishes? Not really, other than not being so into foreplay. I like to just get down to it, already!
4. What is your favorite place to have sex? Anywhere in the house, I suppose. I'm not picky.
5. Do you like to scratch, bite, pull hair, etc? Not really
6. Do you like having it done to you? Yes ;)

Bonus (as in optional): Do you think the number of sexual partners you've had is below average, average, or above average, and how does that make you feel? When I was 19-20 & freshly married, I thought it was high but now at 36, no. I'm totally fine with it. I'd be fine with 100. Sex to me is something to do for fun, it isn't associated to love for me. Oh sure, you want to know the #, right? I'm surprised it's not part of the question, lol. It's somewhere 15-20-ish. I never kept track. I'd have to sit with a pen & paper. Sue me, I had FUN!!!!!

Mute Monday - Old Man

Ironically, this is exactly what I, and family members, call my dad. He's The Old Man instead of 'his name' or 'dad'. He owns a construction company and for as long as I can remember, he's been this, lol.

*This* is my dad. It's no wonder that I have a deep sense of humor. He's fricking hilarious when he's not on his best behavior. He's the reason why it takes a lot for me to laugh, but then again, not really. Hard to explain. My mom, on the other hand, laughs hysterically at the stupidest, tiniest things and it drives me nuts, lol. Oh well...

This is *my* old man. I can't believe he's 16 this year. The Man got him when he was 8wks old and he was hyper. Running all over the place, but not able to stop in time so he kept "bonking" into things. Bonk is a good boy. He sleeps a lot and has a gimp (he broke his hip at about 12wks) but still protects his property from the young-uns outside. He'll fight, lol. He's been bitten by a dog, hit by a car, poisoned, had tumors on the outside of his skin...you name it, this cat has been thru it. Even at 7lbs, he's a true Tom Cat. I love my little Bonkers ;)

(Even as I try to type this, he keeps going across the keyboard, rubbing up against me for some love. It annoys the shit out of me; getting cat hair in my lipgloss and eyes, but I realize his time is shortening so I put up with it.)

Other than that - the weekend was good. The Man ended up not going on the fishing trip. He wasn't feeling well, amongst other things, so he opted out. Right now he is watching NASCAR and the golf game so I'm able to do the things I had planned. We went shopping earlier and a BBQ is planned for later.

I have a lot more to say, but chores are calling my name and I can't just sit here relaxed when I know I have a list of things to do.

;)

Weekend Heart Happy Recipe

Looking for that heart healthy, thigh friendly burger? Well, I've come up with a tasty winner. Even The Man asks for these over regular hamburgers. So, here we go with pictures! How much easier can it get?!
This is all you need for the basic Southwestern Turkey Burger.

• lb of lean ground turkey
• 1/2 to 3/4 can of diced (or stewed - it just means you'll have some chopping to do if you get the stewed) jalapeno tomatoes. Rotel or whatever your store sells is fine. Sometimes it's hard to find them with the jalapenos. Any sort of 'Mexican version' works fine too - you just need some extra spice. SAVE THE REST!!!
• Pepper
• Salt-free seasoning that's similar to Lowry's (if you're not worried about your heart, go ahead & add Lowry's or TexMex or whatever!!!)
• Diced onion - however much you want
• Diced garlic (I love garlic so I add a lot) Again - if you're not worried about sodium, you can substitue garlic powder and garlic salt for fresh or minced in a jar garlic
• 1 egg as meat binder (or whatever you usually use as a meatloaf etc binder)

(I use these suckers in EVERYTHING from omelettes to casseroles to...everything!)
Ooopsie - I got the stewed ones instead of the diced ones! Simply dice them up! And reserve the juice -don't throw it away!!!

Next, once we've diced everything up, throw it all together with the meat & mix-mash away!

Doesn't that look yummy, Vixen??? You know what? I think it would be great fun to throw raw meatballs at you while you're in a bikini. I can just hear you screaming as the meat pelts your flesh. AHAHHAHAHA! (Ok, upon further thinking, I realize that sounds mean. So, in return, you can throw sushi at me.) Now you can do this however you want to. I've certainly done it several ways. If you like the big, round burgers, just make them how you normally do, but I learned a quick, easy tip from Alton Brown. I take wax paper and lay it down on a cookie sheet (if I have several pounds) or a shallow plastic dish. You just need sides. I pound it in so that it is all even! How cool is that? Then I just cut it up into squares!

At this point, you can wrap the wax paper over the top & put it in the fridge to cook later or you can start cooking right away. I'm only making 4 burgers here and see how cool they look? They're all the same size too. So, while these are cooking I prep some other stuff: OK, so now I take the rest of the tomatoes and juice and put it in a little food processor and blend it up. This picture is actually a little more pulverized than I normally make it. (Stupid beer!) Instead of mayo, you are going to put this on top of your burger when finished. MAYO IS BAD FOR THE HEART & THIGHS. *Giggles* Here again, I do this two different ways. These burgers are done. You can either add the sauce and cheese (optional) to the top and let it melt, or do what I usually do. Transfer them to under the broiler. Be sure you either put them on a cookie sheet or have an oven-safe pan first.

Now you can put them on a bun or toasted bread!! Sometimes, I even add whole green chilies to the top. YUM! (That weird looking side dish is cheesy cauliflower, lol. Not heart friendly, but I haven't made it in a long time & it sounded soooo good.)

I LURVE to cook (bake? Notsomuch) so maybe once a month I will try to remember to post a favorite healthy recipe of mine. I have ticker issues so when I cook, it's always heartier friendly.

Doesn't this huge ass jar of jalapeno carrots look scrumptious??? Oh yeah, baby. Even my Mexican friends want my carrots! Maybe I will do those next time. We'll see.

HNT-Seduction

The Man leaves Saturday to go ocean fishing with a bunch of the boys. He'll be back Sunday night. I'll cherish the alone time, the have-nothing-to-do time as The Man is a very active boy. He's always gotta be doing something or has something planned. Even if it is just going across the street to the neighbor's pool, it means I am not in my own home relaxing or on the computer.

He doesn't understand this. My need for solitude or just quiet time reading a book or watching a movie or blogging. When we do part ways, he is always coming back checking up on me. Trying to be a good attentive boy. I don't have the heart to scream, "Leave me the fuck alone already, will you?!!" He is just thinking about me, wishing I was there with him. He is not bad nor am I annoyed by him, just something he does, lol.

*SIGH* But it can be annoying, especially when my Weird Ass Mom is twisting my last fucking nerve. We rent a room to her & although I love her to death, it is the MOST annoying thing in the world to have a parent live with you. Like I said, I am a loner and there is NO ALONE TIME when you have a parent under the same roof. She doesn't have her own life & therefore is ALWAYS.HERE.

I'll end that there. I can easily go on a huge tangent and I really don't want to do that right now. Suffice to say that I literally cry in frustration because of her. I'll get into it some other time.

Hope you all have a great HNT!

Tagged like a whore on payday

Crap - I totally forgot to do this like I said I would! So, here it is:

1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Pretty much the same thing as I'm doing now except I was 26 & thought I knew everything already. Boy - what a different person I am today than that!
2. What are five things on my list to do today?
a-cook dinner
b-reconcile bank account to ledger
c-shower
d-have a romp session
e-sleep
3. Snacks I enjoy? Beef jerky, Goldfish, oriental mix stuff, beer
4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire? Have a great ranch somewhere AND a river house. Fund several animal shelters.
5. Three of my bad habits?
a-Chewing on my nails
b-Thinking ill thoughts about WAM
c-Insomnia
6. Five places I have lived?
a-Alaska
b-Arizona
c-California
7. Five jobs I’ve had?
a-pet/feed store
b-my dad's company
c-another feed store
d-current employment
8. How did you name your blog? Very carefully this time. It took me awhile *snort* I LOVE shoes so...

HHD Quote

"Sometimes you have to be untrue to yourself in order to be kind to others."

TMI Tuesday

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better? I think it makes it different. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased? Probably my Rabbit - love it! I got it a long time ago before there were so many animal options. *snort*
3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex? Yes, mainly to please my partner.
4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance? MMMMcConaughey or Johnny Depp or pretty much any other hot guy, lol. My tastes are always changing but these 2 men seem to always stay.
5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched? Not an audience, but with other couples.
Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best sexual encounter you've ever had. Sorry, but I hate these go-back-in-time questions. I don't have time to think about it or type it out, lol. I had a lot of fun before I was married, let's just say, ok? Doh!

HNT - Pretty in Turquoise

See ya all Monday!

HHD

Happy Hump Day everyone! I won't be around this weekend, we're off to the river for 4 days. I'll post HNT before I leave tho! And I'll read your today posts this evening when I get home from work ;)

*Muah!*

TMI Tuesday

1. How old were you when you first kissed a boy? I can't believe so many people remember kissing boys before 8 or whatever! Maybe I've done too many drugs in the past or something, but I have no clue. LOL!
2. Who would play you in the movie of your life story? Oooh - Fergie or Marisa Tomei would be cool. Actually, I don't care as long as she can act.
3. What is the number one thing your love/hate about gay people? I don't hate anything. Gay guys are hilarious - I don't think gay women are as funny tho.
4. If you could legally get married to "the fella" - or any fella - would you? Like everyone else, I have no idea what this question is really asking. So there.
5. Have you ever worn short short shorts in public? Yes, when I was younger & could pull it off, lol. I still wear normal shorts tho. It's why they're called shorts - duh.
Bonus (as in optional): Who is your favorite blogger? Well, seeing how we've been friends for like 22 yrs, I'd have to say Vix.

MM - Beauty